EQUAL-OPPORTUNITY ANNOYANCE (telophase) wrote,
EQUAL-OPPORTUNITY ANNOYANCE
telophase

Clearly you should trust this man

Moar Skyrim adventures.


I hadn't been able to get back to Skyrim and Murderface McKenzie for a few days, but managed to squeeze an hour in last night before bed. I deliberately didn't take a ginger pill and managed to last about an hour before the motion sickness set in, at which point I handed the controller over to Toby to finish out the mini-quest I was on. This un-fixed photo of Murderface taken with my phone gives you roughly the effect that I experience when motion sickness hits:



Just take the unsettling feeling that gives you and imagine feeling that while looking at a normal screen.

Toby likes to create a character for his video game RPGs in the same way he does for his tabletop RPGs, ahead of time, in (relative) detail so he can use that to guide his character's choices. I haven't got that bug yet, so I'm making Murderface up as I go along. You start the game under arrest by Imperial troops because you were caught in a sweep looking for someone else and condemned to death, then a dragon attacks and all hell breaks loose.

I choose to believe Murderface got caught when he accidentally wandered over the border, probably on some sort of quest to find new stuff to eat and experience the effects, and after the dragon appears and he escapes, he sets off into the unknown with no great plan, just pushed by the winds of fate and his desire to (a) eat stuff and (b) not have anyone tell him what to do.

Yes, he has a problem with authority.

If you want to see what the opening is like, I recommend this video, which is the opening dragon attack, but using a mod which replaces the dragon with "Macho Man" Randy Savage.

After the attack, Murderface somehow escaped without killing himself by dragon, bear, or falling off a cliff (the second time around, after a glitch failed to save my first game!), following an Imperial soldier out of the area and to the town of...er, Riverwood, I think, where he's told he should tell the Jarl of Whiterun about this dragon attack. Why this disreputable-looking stranger who keeps walking into walls, rivers, and other people should be trusted I don't know, but the blacksmith likes Murderface enough to give him a bunch of stuff. Possibly it's a bribe to make him go away.



DID YOU NOT NOTICE HOW LONG IT TAKES MURDERFACE TO GET COORDINATED ENOUGH TO PICK UP AN OBJECT?! Ahem.

Anyway, Murderface proves he's the man for this urgent job by spending the next couple of in-game days and nights roaming the countryside as I attempt to get used to the controller, literally leaping at moths and bugs and blundering through bushes. Nobody else is concerned by this. Around this point, I also decide that Murderface's weapons are a mace in his right hand and a fire spell in his left. wyrdness said that her gameplay involved a one-handed weapon and a hand full of healing spells, which I considered doing right up until the point where Toby showed me how to set an oil slick on fire and I decided that Murderface was way more into setting people on fire than he was in healing himself.

This may have been the wrong choice.

Anyway, cutting a long fairly boring story somewhat shorter, Murderface eventually makes it to the city of Whiterun, where the Jarl is, because he's killed too many bandits and wolves, stolen their stuff[1], and mined ore (see previous entry), so that he's staggering under the weight of all their crap and has to sell it. And then he figures the Jarl might give him some money if he tells him about the dragon.

[1] Even the amethyst-carrying wolf. Video game aficianados are used to animals carrying random loot like this, but I'm not. I'm just wondering where the wolf PUT that amethyst.

He meets a female blacksmith voiced by Claudia Christian whose primary purpose at this point in the game is to show you how to do some crafting stuff, and makes a few items for her because I have decided that Murderface, as a red-blooded Imperial (by birth, not politics) male, will do pretty much anything a lady asks him to if he thinks there's a ghost of a chance he might get laid in the future. (Murderface is extremely optimistic in that regard, I must say.) What he looks for in a woman is (a) probably female, and (b) not actively trying to kill him. Which means he chats up Claudia Christian, a nun, a 12-year-old girl (to his credit, once he realizes she's 12 he stops), and several female warriors, none of whom show the slightest romantic interest in him. The nun is very nice to him, however, so he agrees to do her quest, and may even eventually do it if I find that he's wandered near the location with the first step. Also, he ogles the Jarl's cleaning lady.

Anyway, I don't really want to do a play-by-play of this game, but I'll mention a few things:

--it takes him 2 tries to enter the Jarl's hall because Murderface don't do stairs.

--eventually he does learn to do stairs, but mostly sidles up and down them like a crab because I can't be arsed to turn him around and face the direction he's going for the few seconds he'll be on the stairs.

--the Jarl immediately believes this disreputable guy who's just spent a minute and half standing in the fire and who banged into the wall a couple of times on the way.

--Murderface accepts a quest from the Jarl's enchanter, who wants him to go to a PERFECTLY NORMAL cave and get a thing and bring the thing back for him, and it is all PERFECTLY NORMAL and nothing to worry about and the enchanter hasn't got it himself because reasons. Murderface doesn't ask if the cave is going to be filled with hostiles he has to fight his way through, because in his limited experience he has found that life is full of hostiles he has to fight his way through.

----New things Murderface has eaten: several mushroom varieties, including one that’s got a red cap with white spots.

Next time, if I bother writing it up: Murderface joins a group, possibly because ladies! Also, Murderface tries to grind some wheat!



Why wouldn't I be excited about grinding wheat?

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Tags: gaming, skyrim
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