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a frog the size of texas

April 14th, 2016

10:01 am

I'd read plenty of things about Skyrim*, bought it on Steam a while back, and Toby started playing it, loved it, and is now deep into his second playthrough while I had difficulties trying to coordinate the keyboard and got maybe fifteen minutes into it before the camera movement made me woozy and I quit. I'd still been thinking about it, and thought maybe I'd do better on a traditional console with a traditional controller**, so we bought a used copy of it for the PS3 last night.

* Video game, for those of you who don't play.
** Yes you can get controllers that plug into your computer. But with the console game I'd be in the media room on the giant TV on a recliner, rather than in an office chair in an imperfectly-lit room.

I got about as far as I'd done in the Steam version when we realized that the game had glitched and the bit that's supposed to allow you to save wasn't working. When we quit the game and restarted, the last auto-save was right before character creation. :/ So I recreated my character, saved the game, and quite because I didn't want to run through all that intro stuff a third time. I plan on making Toby get me to the point where we quit, then taking over from there.

So, my character is named Murderface McKenzie because he looks like a Murderface McKenzie. Because I have not got used to the controls, which require you to use one joystick to turn and one joystick to move, while at the same time mashing buttons to fight, Murderface only attacks in one direction because he cannot turn and only survives things like wolf pack attacks because Toby is sitting in the other chair saying TURN! TURN! USE YOUR RIGHT JOYSTICK! at me. (Not in a bad way; he finds this hilarious.)

AND WHAT THIS ALL MEANS is that on Tumblr the usual meme about there being a zombie infestation is going around, where your team is the characters from the last three things you read/watched/played, which means I'm stuck with the cast of Community, a lady from the turn of last century who wrote an advice book for spinsters, and Murderface McKenzie, who literally can't turn to save his life.

I'm dead.

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