And here's a screenshot (by which I mean "taken with my phone and de-skewed in Photoshop") of my Skyrim character.

Murderface McKenzie, Esq. at your service. Occupation: gentleman of leisure. Likes: running into the wall next to doors, falling off cliffs, accidentally bludgeoning his allies in the midst of fights. Dislikes: NPCs who ask him to do things, aiming, bards.

I suppose the in-game explanation for his complete ineptitude at basic skills like "walking" and "going through doors" is partially that his blind eye is fairly recent so he hasn't got used to the lack of depth perception and peripheral vision yet, but mostly that all the alchemy ingredients he has to ingest to test* is affecting him much more than all the other adventurers that have wandered through Skyrim.

* Yes. The potion-making mechanic in the game requires that you gather various ingredients, and then test them to see what they do BY EATING THEM. In the past 24 hours of his life, Murderface has ingested spider eggs, several varieties of mountain flower, thistles, (human) bone dust, salt, and the tail of a ratlike creature called a skeever. Had I known about this in advance, I might have named him after Mr Tulip from the Discworld novels, a hit man who desperately wants a drug habit and therefore ingests anything he can get his hands on.

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Tags: gaming, skyrim
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