Ah, young love

The further adventures of Murderface McKenzie, Esq. in Skyrim.

The story thus far: Murderface wanders around Skyrim bumping into stuff and setting it on fire. The end. Also he threatened a twelve-year-old girl and talked a bard out of hitting on a lady in the hopes that he could then hit on the lady. And then cleared out a nest of bandits for significantly less money than he earned as a petty enforcer.

I steered Murderface back to the Companions hall and paid money to have him undergo heavy armor training. He’s mostly a light armor kind of guy, but some of the armor he’s currently wearing is heavy and it gave him enough XP to level up.

He then talked to his contact at the Hall and got an assignment to go clear out a nest of rogue necromancers. He (by which I mean I) forgot that they were necromancers and thus was surprised by walking skeletons when he eventually got there.

He stopped by a tavern on the way out of town to have a look round since he hadn’t visited it before, and discovered Jenassa, a Dunmer mercenary. (Dunmers are one kind of elf in the Skyrim world. They all kinda look that scary) She was his, for fighting, that is, for the bargain price of only 500 gold. Murderface promptly forgot about the paltry pay rate for bounties in this neck of the woods and hired her on the spot.

He left the town by the short route, jumping off of the fortifications, and couldn’t find her. He made his way back to the tavern, where she stood waiting for him, then left town more slowly the next time. He still took some shortcuts off the ramparts and had to wait for her as the game’s AI made her go round the proper way.

On the way to the assignment they got sidetracked by Fort Greymoor, a fort that had been taken over by bandits. They cleaned it out, Murderface setting Jenassa on fire several times in the process. She objected with “I’m on YOUR side!” when it happened, but didn’t seem too bothered by it otherwise.

Down in the cellars, there were several bear traps scattered about. The first one they encountered was sprung. Murderface got a bright idea: he wasn’t sure if the place had been fully cleared out or not, and so if he set the bear trap and they encountered any enemies they could run out, avoiding the trap since they knew where it was, and the enemies would be caught by it. Brilliant! So he carefully set the trap and snuck by on the left. Then he heard a snap! and Jenassa roared I’LL SEE YOU BURN! at the trap she'd just sprung.

I think Murderface fell in love with her at that point.

There were no more bandits in Fort Greymoor, so after a bit of looting they traveled onwards. (I’ll note that I figured out there was a secret entrance to the fort through the cellars, which is why the bear traps were there, but Murderface just entered the front door screaming and shooting fire, which fits his style, and Jenassa was happy to oblige.)

Murderface had hopes of Jenassa returning his regard, as she’d periodically say things like "I can see the battle lust in your eyes. Doom will surely come to any who cross your path,” and "We're one of the same kind, you and I. I'm glad to have met you." It didn't occur to him that maybe she'd say the same thing to anyone who paid her 500 gold. He kitted her out with his second-best armor and a warhammer, which she seemed to appreciate.

Murderface attempted to hunt deer, but is a terrible shot and repeatedly failed. He also tried to hunt a fox but after he snuck up on one, it paused, turned around, looked up at him with beautiful, limpid eyes and Murderface couldn’t find it within himself to bash its head in with the mace he was carrying. He let it go free, and resolved to try long-range weapons next time.

They stopped by an old watchtower manned by Imperials and had a look around. This is boring except for one bit, when Murderface was on top of the tower, and the guard up there got stuck on the first step and Jenassa got stuck behind him. This entertained me, er, Murderface for a while. We are both simple creatures.

This photo doesn’t show the glory of the guard walking in place on the top step, but it’ll have to do. The blob behind and below the guard is Jenassa, apparently incapable of moving slightly to the right to go around him.

Murderface got sidetracked again trying to catch butterflies to eat their wings, and they met an orc on the road who tried to sell Murderface some skooma, Skyrim’s premier manufactured drug. Murderface showed a bit of reluctance to buy it (I think he may be cheap when it comes to drugs--why pay for it when you can just find it), and the orc took this as an insult and attacked. One short while and one charred orc later, Murderface looted his corpse, gaining all his skooma and a few other things besides.

And there I shall let things stand for now. Murderface has not yet tried the skooma, although he will, partly because he wanted to get the bounty for the rogue magicians first, but mostly because my ginger pills wore off with a vengeance at that point and I had to quit before I horked.

Things eaten: monarch butterfly wings, blue butterfly wings, and a couple new kinds of mushroom.

So. Will the budding romance between Murderface and Jenassa grow stronger? Or is it doomed? Go ahead, let me know what your guess is!

I leave you with this random cow they encountered. It appears to be tattooed.

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Tags: gaming, skyrim
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