I can see my house from here!

Last time, Murderface killed an orc that was asking for it (literally), and sulkily completed a quest for an ungrateful priestess. This time: wizard duel!

Today I set Murderface to Find the Moon Amulet inside White River Watch. Both he and I had forgotten how he got the quest in the first place, but it seemed like a standard profitable dungeon crawl, so might as well. (Upon looking in the wiki, it turns out that a khajit trader had asked Murderface to get it for him, as it reminded him of home.)

On his way to the watch, a vampire mistwalker rounded a boulder and flew screaming at Murderface, making short work of him. Upon his resurrection, I sent Murderface sneaking cross-country instead of walking along the road, which allowed him to sneak up behind the mistwalker and another vampire and use his new bow, which sets things on fire when he shoots them. He one-shotted the mistwalker and, after the other vampire hid behind a rock, shot firebolts at him until he died.

White River Watch was a small cave system populated by bandits. After sneaking up on the ones outside, uncharacteristically avoiding a bear trap hidden in the bushes, Murderface crept inside. A bandit was sitting at a table, unaware. Murderface carefully unslung his bow and shot the guy. Upon looting his body and the table he was seated at, Murderface discovered notes from another bandit that made it clear the one he shot was an elderly, blind bandit (and the wiki said the guy would merely greet you if you just walked by him). Tempting to reload and try again, but I rolled with it as if there’s a way to fuck up a situation, Murderface would probably find it. (He’s got that in common with Jon Snow.)

Turning to the short passage leading off the entrance chamber, Murderface set a fire rune in the floor and waited. A bandit rushed in, set it off, and died. Two more rushed in, which Murderface managed to kill after a bit of confusion because he didn’t realize there were two instead of one, but he eventually managed to decapitate the last one with a dramatic swinging uppercut (if you call it that when it’s an axe) that sent the guy’s head flying and bouncing down a nearby set of stairs. Another bandit on a ledge a little further on got hit with a firebolt that shot him into the air a good way before he landed, dead. Outside, on a ledge overlooking the valley that contained Whiterun, he shot the bandit leader in the back with his Glass Bow of Fire. Leader-Bob stood up, on fire, asking “Is anyone there?"

Murderface hadn’t laughed this much in days.

“I can see my house from here!" Whiterun, from the bandit leader’s perch.

Back to the lake house to see how Valdimar was getting on with furnishing it. He’d an interesting attitude towards decoration--the focal piece on the main mantlepiece was an iron pot with a large cabbage in it--but Murderface just assumed that interior decoration was yet another thing that he didn’t understand and left Valdimar to it.

Murderface managed to accidentally pick up a large pot of honey when he was trying to pick something else up from the mantlepiece (Valdimar strews alchemical ingredients about, perhaps to lend a bit of color to the place), and didn’t realize it was in his inventory until he got to the back room, where Valdimar was taking a break and drinking a mug of ale at a small table. “Here," said Murderface. “Put this somewhere, would ya?" as he dropped it onto the table. The large pot of honey overbalanced and slowly rolled into Valdimar, who steadfastly maintained eye contact the entire time.

The pot rolled off of Valdimar and onto the floor. Valdimar just kept staring.

Judgy much, Valdimar?

I can tell you that Valdimar was probably a little annoyed at Murderface for messing with his carefully-laid-out interior plans, because now, a few play sessions on, the honey pot has a new home: it sits, upside down, on that chair that Valdimar had been sitting in.

Anyway! Murderface gave money to Valdimar to kit out the new bedroom and storage rooms, but ran out before he could get the armory full up, so he had to head back to Whiterun for more enchanting/smithing/selling/etc. (Bedrooms became a priority over the armory after hearing Ulfric Asshat talking about invading Whiterun last session. Gotta get those kids out of there!)

The armory, with its current open storage system:

In Whiterun, a random mage ran up to Murderface and challenged him to a wizard duel. He looked around a bit, wondering if someone had put this guy up to it, but no immediate culprit was visible. So he took Mage-Bob up on the offer, set him on fire, and started whaling away with his axe.

“No fair!" Mage-Bob whined. “You’re a wizard! Hit me with a spell!"

Well, the flames were a spell as far as Murderface was concerned, and beyond that he didn’t much care, so he continued with his axe work and in short order ensured Mage-Bob would never make that mistake again.

After his round of economics, he headed up to Dawnstar for reasons I didn’t write down in my notes but which probably seemed like a good idea at the time. People were complaining about nightmares. One woman was complaining to a priest about them, who explained to her that it was going to be fine. He then turned to Murderface, with the woman standing right there, and told Murderface things were dire and that he was very worried. But once Murderface found out the terrible nightmares--people mentioned Daedric Princes in connection with them--only affected locals and not visitors, he didn’t see why he should care and forgot about it.

After that, he teleported to Fort Fellhammer, again for reasons I didn’t write down so we shall assume he’s suffering from memory lapses due to his alchemical ingredient abuse problem, and was immediately set upon by bandits. A trio of Imperial soldiers showed up to help fight but, alas, Murderface didn’t realize they were soldiers until too late and killed two of them. A bounty from Whiterun magically appeared upon his head. On the principle of “if nobody saw it, it didn’t happen," he killed the 3rd soldier, and the bounty magically removed itself because there were no remaining witnesses.

Ah, good to know!

Here’s a dead necromancer, which I think might be from Fort Fellhammer.

I can see Murderface’s vacation photos now: “Here’s a dead orc. And here’s a dead necromancer. This glowing pile of ash was a dead thrall that the necromancer resurrected to fight for him, but which I killed again. This one is a dead giant I took down with one shot of my bow." And in the audience, Valdimar listens politely while mentally cataloging the groceries he’s going to pick up on his next run into town, Runa squirms in boredom because she’s more interested in what the killing accomplished, and Lucia hangs eagerly on his every word, asking “Did you set him on fire? What about her? Did they scream?"

Murderface teleported back to the lake house and offloaded his remaining gold to Valdimar so he could get started on the armory. The girls’ bedroom was finally complete, so he set off to go pick them up, but as he stepped out of the front door he was attacked by roving bandits. Who KILLED HIS NEW HORSE. Murderface set to, enraged, and eliminated the bandits.

After the fight, he couldn’t find the cow or the chickens, and he wasn’t sure if Valdimar had rushed out to fight as well, and was very worried that his housecarl had met a bad end. He circled the house exterior, then went inside and still no Valdimar. Worried, he went back outside, only to see his cow and the chickens placidly grazing and scratching, and Valdimar strolled up with a “How can I serve you, my Thane?" Murderface realized that Valdimar must therefore have somehow hidden himself, along with the cow and chickens during the fracas. (Or the game didn’t want to bother rendering that many more moving objects, but we’ll just roleplay this.)

Here’s the aurora borealis over the lake house. It’ll be even prettier this fall, when the remastered version comes out.

And that’s the end of that session. Next time: mining for quicksilver. Yes, I know.

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Tags: gaming, skyrim
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