It's so hard to find good underlings

Welcome back to the Continuing Adventures of an Adventuring Idiot! Murderface is getting better as I gain more hand-eye coordination with the controller, even though the hardest part of any fight is still facing the correct direction.

Last time, Murderface waded through glacial meltwater to kill a giant bug and creepy blind elves. This time, he’s back to his favorite: draugr! Also, there’s a bunny.

In his continuing attempt to avoid the decision to look for a wife or not (because so far nobody wants to sleep with him on a casual basis), Murderface decided to clear another quest out of his log, this one calling for him to go to the Jarl’s court up in Solitude. While he was standing around waiting for people to stop talking so he could talk to them and find out why he was there, a dude petitioned the Jarl for help. He and other villagers had been seeing and hearing weird things in Wolfskull Cave and they wanted the Jarl to send someone to look into it. The Jarl made vague promises and waved him out.

The Jarl’s steward told Murderface that he was basically going to blow Petitioner-Bob off because he didn’t believe that rumors and stories had anything to them but if Murderface really wanted to, he could go poke his nose into the cave and report back. Steward-Bob annoyed Murderface enough with his attitude towards the people (because Murderface is nothing if not People) that he said WELL FINE I WILL THEN and stomped off to Wolfskull Cave.

There were two skeletons standing guard outside Wolfskull Cave, a sure sign of necromancers within. HAH TAKE THAT STEWARD-BOB.

Murderface has been maturing of late. The old Murderface would just run in, screaming and setting things on fire with his hand. The new Murderface instead creeps in and shoots things from cover with his bow that sets things on fire, because it only took him several deaths and resurrections to learn that if he picks off a few enemies first, the remaining ones are much easier to slaughter by running into battle, screaming and setting them on fire. So he took this approach with Wolfskull Cave, skulking through the shadows and switching between his bow that sets things on fire and his bow that traps lesser souls, depending on whether the target was human or draugr.

One of the earlier caverns in the cave system had two necromancers in it. Murderface dropped one with one shot from hiding. His buddy immediately resurrected him and went looking for the source of the problem, but walked right into the lightning rune that Murderface had set in the floor ahead of time. Suck it!

(Being a necromancer means never having to mourn your friends: just resurrect their corpses and keep on fighting! Until you die and they die again.)

Several (re)dead draugr and necromancers later, Murderface came upon this sight, in the main cavern.

That doesn’t look good. And it turned out not to be good, in fact. A group of necromancers were performing a ritual to resurrect Potema, the Wolf Queen, a very, very evil necromancer in life (and undeath). So once again the fate of the world depends on a dude who needs two goes to climb up a flight of stairs.

The cavern had patrolling draugr deathlords and necromancers, which Murderface carefully picked off with his bow while trying not to alert the others. Luckily, since game NPCs are stupid, this wasn’t too hard, requiring mostly peeking out from cover, shooting someone, then fading back while the nearest draugr and necromancers milled about in confusion and eventually forgot that a mysterious attacker had just killed a colleague.

After all that, taking out the ritual leader was anticlimactic. Which is an object lesson in putting too much trust in your underlings, because if they suck and someone mows them all down...well, then. Murderface shot her once, then nocked a second arrow as she stared at him in confusion for a moment before attacking, then shot her again, fatally.

He teleported back to the Solitude court and got 1000 gold from Steward-Bob, and a commission to take out some vampires from the really annoying court mage. After all that, though, Murderface just wanted to go home, so he teleported to the lake house.

When he got home, Runa ran up to him with an excited “Papa!" and revealed that she’d found a bunny and wanted to keep it. Murderface warned her sternly that she was to take care of it, and not leave all its upkeep to Valdimar (because really: Murderface ain’t gonna do it), at which she was very excited.


It was bedtime, so the girls went to bed and Murderface went up to gaze proudly at them, to remember why he’s doing all this dungeon-crawling.

The bunny is crouched at the foot of Runa’s bed, on the far right. Also visible scattered on the floor: the torchbug inna jar that Murderface looted from the lighthouse last time, which he thought the girls might like, the book he stole for them from the Bard’s College library (behind the torch), and a burning torch that he discovered in his inventory when he was dropping the jar and book, and dropped to make room for other stuff. It has continued to burn on the girls’ floor as a sort of night-light for several days without burning the place down.

And I think I’ll cut it short there. Next time: the evil necromancer queen Potema is not as (re)dead as we thought!

Link to poll.

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Tags: gaming, skyrim
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